Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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