Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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