this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
