Im at strip club and am horny
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
