We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
