Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
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Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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