Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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