I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
