last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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