Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
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Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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