i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
