I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
