if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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