I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
