Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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