we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
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I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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