The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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