M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize