She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
even my farts smell like vagina
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
