when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
