You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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