I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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