lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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