i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
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Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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