I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
