Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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