You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
