He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
