I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
