Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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