i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
