He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
