lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
