I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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