I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
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Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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