Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize