Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
