so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
