please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think I won the penis lottery.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize