I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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