Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
