i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
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He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I touched a dick in church today
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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