Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
