I'm gonna have a badass scar
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
