So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
