It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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