Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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