capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
