last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
