can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
