Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
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I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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