she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
