So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
