dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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