I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
