first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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