Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
