I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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