he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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