I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am full of burrito and curiosity
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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