i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
