Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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