"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
