I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
