someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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