i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
